Purposeful Reflection
My relationship with art has always been full of love and hatred. Despite this, when I was at my lowest, art lifted me up and helped me cope with new challenges.
How my AP Art Portfolio Changed my Life.
Click and use the arrows to scroll through photos of my grandparents and me throughout my childhood.
I have been an artist my whole life. Finger painting, taking photos, coloring in outlines of Scooby-Doo characters- You name it, and I was doing it. My grandparents specifically fostered my creative growth, always drawing along with me. As I grew older, art became my outlet. However, once I took my first advanced art class in eighth grade, I felt my love for the craft slipping away. Creativity felt like a chore, and grinding art pieces became a burden. I began to stop sketching in my free time, and eventually, I only did art for a grade, not for myself. My outlet was essentially gone, and with this loss, I also stopped doing art with my grandparents. Despite this, I continued to take art classes because I knew it was good for me to stay connected to my artistic side. During my junior year, my teacher, Mr. McAfee, approached me and requested that I take AP 2-D Art during my senior year. I knew it was a rigorous course, but I obliged, knowing it would look good on college applications. At the time, I had no idea that this course would save me in so many ways.
My senior year was a struggle. I was stressed about college applications, took a heavy course load, and ultimately did not feel great. Although I enjoyed AP Art, I still viewed my portfolio as a chore and not an outlet. My year took a turn for the worse when my grandpa, who I had been close with my entire life, passed in September. I was inconsolable, as I had never dealt with grief so strong before. I fell behind in school, especially with my AP Art portfolio. I did not know what to do, and I felt hopeless. That was until my teacher sat me down and told me I could use art as an escape, much like I had before. These words struck me, and I began using my work to process my grief, slowly regaining my love for art. While I wish this were the end of the story, it is not. In February, as things were getting better, my grandmother, my last tie to my artistic childhood, unexpectedly lost her battle with cancer. Losing both of my grandparents on my mother’s side in six months was heartbreaking, and I was lost. Like before, I fell behind and was no longer completing my art pieces.
A digital media piece from my porfolio, created following the passing of my grandfather in December. The piece conveys the loneliness I felt and how I coped with my feelings by supporting myself and remembering my values.
A piece from my portfolio featuring a photo of my younger self being embraced by a figure made up of photos of my family and friends, including photos of my grandparents.
I felt like nothing could save me from the deep despair I was entrenched in. Yet again, art was my savior. While grieving, I made pieces about my grandma and put them into my portfolio. I reminded myself that they would have wanted me to keep going, and I knew I was resilient. I received the highest score possible on my portfolio: a five. Ultimately, art lifted, inspired, and helped me cope with loss through reflection. I have always valued commitment, and my dedication to art guided me through my darkest days. I grew through the struggle, putting pencil to paper and connecting with my values of determination and creativity. Reflecting now, I understand the value of having an outlet and know that I can always rely on art in the future. Through an appreciation of art and beauty, one of my top strengths, I continue to make art inspired by my grandparents. I took away that art would always be there for me. It helped me understand that I can get through any issues the future has in store for me, especially in college. I am forever grateful that I took AP Art.